have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
