Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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