I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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