We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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