The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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