It's like a parade of train wrecks.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
