I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
