apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
