theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
