Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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