If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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