Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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