K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
