got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
