Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
