you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
