I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
