U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
