He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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