DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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