I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
