16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize