How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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