I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
