When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Randomize
