I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
