just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
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