forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
