I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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