Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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