i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
