like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I just blew my weed a kiss
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize