this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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