theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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