Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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