Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
How naked do you want me to be?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
