you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
