So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
