I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
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