Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
