Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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