Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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