No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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