I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize