Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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