Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
