i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
