I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
