i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
