Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
