Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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