marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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