i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
