i just wanna soil my oats bro
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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