just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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