Is it because I queefed?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
