hell yes lets make some ravioli
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
