Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
