Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
