if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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