Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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