would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
