You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
