You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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