barbara walters just said penis...
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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