guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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